Pujyapada Sridhara Maharaja asked me to “Do relief work.” I have been doing mostly that for more than 25 years. My strong sense of Gaudiya siddhanta can be intimidating at times but I have a passion for the essence of our tradition, and while I stand firm on the ground of siddhanta, as my gurus would expect me to, I do not do so without a heart for those I speak to. If it has not come through to you here in this discussion, let me say it directly to you: I feel strongly for your plight and I am embarrassed by the behavior of my Godbrothers and Godsisters that has wreaked havoc in the realm of faith all in the name of our beloved Prabhupada. I also find many devotees in leadership positions to be uncaring, and unfortunately really incapable of caring. Some have offended devotees in every direction, their seniors, their juniors, their cousins, etc. Its a spiritual nightmare, a nuclear bomb of aparadha with the misconception of radiation spread everywhere.
As for your lack of qualification, personally I do not think you lack qualification for initiation. You have faith in Krishna nama. It is not about being qualified as much as it is about understanding one’s lack of qualification. This is what attracts grace. I do think you need to refine your understanding of the philosophy, your sambandha jnana, but that can come in time. Still Prabhupada himself had his standards. That is undeniable. But above all he was merciful and that mercy only grows in the context of guru parampara. Look for it there. You will find him there more than anywhere else—kripa avatara. Krishna is so kind. In a lifetime of Brahma we cannot repay the debt we have incurred with Gopala Krishna, who comes in the form of guru to save us, to love us like no one has ever loved us before. It is a tough love at times, but it is deep and unwavering.
From my perspective, you are making some progress. Let me close now and earnestly pray for your further progress. Believe me, I am your friend.
comment by Swami B. V. Tripurari on the article “Intimate Guru-Seva: The Spiritual Catalyst.”
